Washing Away

I haven't written you in a long time
But with rain down my window it makes me hard to pretend it's okay
You once were the summer on my fingertips, just like sand
Now you're washing away
Hear the thunder, smell the trees, you're here now
But none of this will every be quite the same
I miss your eyes, glowing, still laughing
Now you're washing away

I'm chasing dashboards and street lights
Rowhomes in the dark night
Curbside and a ring hanging by
I'm now just wishing on a soft glow
That I can just come home
And stop all of this rain
Now you're washing away in the rain

Do you remember the fires and tables?
My plea in a parking lot, "stay, baby, stay?"
Do you remember neon lights, up all night?
Now you're washing away

Now we're just washing away.

I Don't Know If I Can Do This.

I don’t know that I can do this.

He once smelled of white t-shirts and grease, cigarettes and stale beer, old garages and car exhausts.
He let me dance on his toes, drive Mom’s first car
…he bought her that car…
He brought me up in love, picked me up in concerts, and showed me things I was too small to see on my own.

I remember,
We used to drive for nowhere, stop for hotdogs, and sing old punk songs no four-year-old should know,
But I knew.
I still know his holes, his eyes, and the way his voice gives podium to the truth.
I still know his fear he glazes with fatherly comfort and strength and he’s stood so tall
For me–for us.

One night Momma left because the bills couldn’t be paid and Daddy tried to put my hair into a tight pink bow, and I cried.
Years later, he smiled to a stadium full of our Tyrone, Georgia smalltown football fans as he held my sister’s hand–proud.
He’s always been proud.

One year later, I was holding his hand as he laid in a hospital bed unable to finger a fork into a soft peach cup.
One year later, I was holding my mother’s hand as she watched her other half lose half his lung to a doctor who had no idea what he even had in his hands.
One year later, I was a woman holding together her father’s small business, her mother’s home, and her sister’s senior year.
One year later, I was a little girl watching her father die,
But he survived.

He fought his whole life to stand for his family and finally he won.
We thought he had won…

So how do I tell my father that I can be that strong again?
How do I face his fears and try to push back the visions of a wedding without someone to lift the veil?
How do I fight my “what-ifs” and tears and own shaking hands to tell him there’s no reason to shake or worry or stress?
He can do this again…

How do I?

How can I write you, look at you, explain to you with words the fear I once felt as I cried into a dark empty night, begging for my father’s life?
And what it means to feel that wordless fear again?
How can I?

Please forgive me if I just stand here with a smile on my face, with a mask of faith.
Forgive me God for my fear shaking in my hands and trying to pry itself through my mouth showing teeth.
I just need him to stand
I need him to believe
I need him to lift me off my own knees.

But how can he when he’s been brought to his own?
How can he?

My father–the man–with the tattoos and motorcycles and scars on the knuckles of his hands.
My father–the man–who puts the fear into my boyfriends and the respect into my heart.
My father–the man–who lost his right lung but never lost his heart, nor his pride.
My father who stands tall with my mother’s ring still holding on to his left hand.
My father–the man.

But my father is just a man. My father is just a man.

I don’t know that I can do this, Daddy, I don’t know that I can do this again.

But here we go again.
We can do this again.

God, I’m praying, I’m begging.
Help us do this again.

God, I’m praying, I’m begging.
Help us do this again.

God, I’m praying, I’m begging.
Help us do this again.

I'm Sorry.

I’m sorry.
I’m sorry you came over that first night.
I’m sorry I cooked for you and let you sleep in my bed.
I’m sorry you kissed me in a dark garden on my green campus.
And I’m sorry I held your hand like you were mine.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry for the text messages and phone calls and for kissing your ass.
I’m sorry I tried to make you smile and in turn, let you take down my walls.
I’m sorry I wrote for you, to you, about you.
And I’m sorry I ever tried to fill your holes.
I’m sorry.
I’m sorry she broke your heart and I’m sorry I let you break mine.
I’m sorry I confused sickness with arrogance and I’m sorry I ever excused your ego.
I’m sorry I slept in your bed, hugged your mother, and pet your dogs.
I’m sorry I drove in the rain for an hour to sleep in your arms.
I’m so fucking sorry.
I’m sorry I let you let me laugh.
I’m sorry we slow danced and I’m sorry I thought you were a man.
I’m sorry I gave you a chance when I should of known better than to like a boy in a band.
I’m sorry you can’t say we were dating, and damn, I’m glad we never did.
I’m so so sorry.
I’m sorry I let you call me baby, or even kiddo, in your condescending way.
I’m sorry you bought me drinks, or that I even expected you to act like a gentleman.
I’m sorry we played house, I’m sorry you loved my dog, and I’m sorry I thought you were my best friend.
I’m sorry your friends told you what a good woman I am, and how it will hurt I ever leave.
But baby, I’m not sorry I’m leaving.
No, I’m not sorry, I’m gone.

C'mon C'mon

C'mon c'mon
Write me a song
Whisper something smooth
Let me feel you
C'mon c'mon
Let me be your song
I feel your rain
Let me feel that pain
C'mon c'mon

Sitting in a passenger seat
Half moon hangin' down on me
Sendin' love even I can see
C'mon c'mon
Sweet little fingertips
Pushin' secrets against your lips
Sweet scars even I can't fix
C'mon c'mon

Write me a song
Whisper something smooth
Let me feel you
C'mon c'mon
Let me be your song
I feel your rain
Let me feel that pain
C'mon c'mon

Mixtape playing on your skin
Those lyrics let me in
Ryan Adams callin' us again
C'mon c'mon
You're the lines in my eyes
Even your love I can't fight
Trying to push out too many lines
C'mon c'mon

Write me a song
Whisper something smooth
Let me feel you
C'mon c'mon
Let me be your song
I feel your rain
Let me feel that pain
C'mon c'mon

In The Dark

In your passenger seat
I watch the moon
And gathering clouds, rising
You start to scream out
"Baby, this is my part,"
Every part is your part
When we're sitting here
In the dark

Cigarette smoke fills the car
In this southern state
I undo my seatbelt
You're more than I can take
I want to feel you weak
You kiss my hand and cheek
In the dark

Sometimes sometimes I swear
You're something that was all I need
And when you whisper to me
Baby baby baby you're all I need
And maybe I can't write this down
Or tell the truth to you
But this is all I need
In the dark, with you.

And you can tell 'bout your yellow bird
But baby she just went and flew away
You can tell me 'bout your little birds
But baby, that just makes me stay

Sometimes sometimes I swear
You're something that was all I need
And when you whisper to me
Baby baby baby you're all I need
And maybe I can't write this down
Or tell the truth to you
But this is all I need
In the dark, with you.

Write It Down (Your Song)

She said to me,"Baby, write a note,"
She'll stick in a box with pictures of the hearts she broke
She'll say to me, "You're the only one I know,"
So now I'm falling into letters. So now I'm giving up all hope.

And maybe she asked me sweet, "Don't make this about me,"
But the lines in my heart scream, "You have to let me,"

I don't want to break
Anymore walls down
But sometimes these pills I take
Are all I hold on
And save me, save these texts
And maybe we'll be real
I can't stop the pain
But I can write it down
Baby, baby, baby, I'll write it down.

I whispered in the dark, "I know this is so wrong,"
But in little white lies, I color all the pasts gone
I yelled it out, "I swear I didn't mean it!"
And now in this glow I'm writing you your song

And maybe she asked me sweet, "Don't make this about me,"
But the lines in my heart scream, "You have to let me,"

I don't want to break
Anymore walls down
But sometimes these pills I take
Are all I hold on
And save me, save these texts
And maybe we'll be real
I can't stop the pain
But I can write it down
Baby, baby, baby, I'll write it down.

I just don't think you'll ever read it
I just don't think you'll ever need this
But baby, this is for you, about you, to you
But baby, this is for you, about you, I need you

I don't want to break
Anymore walls down
But sometimes these pills I take
Are all I hold on
And save me, save these texts
And maybe we'll be real
I can't stop the pain
But I can write it down
Baby, baby, baby, I'll write it down.

You Didn't Know (Birds)

I never thought of the end
Or even the beginning
Some people just fall into your life
And you’re never grateful that they never leave

You didn’t know, no
You didn’t know we loved you
You didn’t know, no
You didn’t know we needed you

We didn’t mean to forget
We just didn’t know how to say
All the words you were never afraid of
All the words we’re thinkin’ today

You didn’t know, no
You didn’t know we loved you
You didn’t know, no
You didn’t know we needed you

And now our hearts
They’re breakin’
And now, my God,
You’ve been taken
You didn’t know, no
You didn’t know we loved you
You didn’t know, no
You didn’t know we needed you

You didn’t know I loved you, no, no
You’ll never know I needed you
You didn’t know I loved you, no, no
You’ll never know I needed you

You didn’t know, no
You didn’t know we loved you
You didn’t know, no
You didn’t know we needed you

I Can't Help Missin' You

I can't help missin' you
Sometimes I feel so weak
And maybe it's five am
But I haven't got much sleep

You're probably drinkin' coffee while I'm dwelling on the blues
But baby sometimes I just can't help reliving you

You are that stuttering
In a car that just won't start
You are the swollen scars
On my empty heart

And my phone just sits there silent and I just want to make that call
Damn, these feelings just don't make any sense at all

You don't mean anything
More than a boy who wasted time
Sometimes I just want to scream
'Bout the way you haunt my mind

You're probably strumming your guitar to a girl fallin' for you
But baby sometimes I just can't help wanting you

Don't you just want to break?
Just fall for me?
I've been so damn patient
With the secrets you keep
I watch your eyes, I hold your name
Baby, I just can't help missin' you

I can't help missin' you
Yeah, I feel so lonely now
Living in faded pasts
Don't make sense anyhow

You won't miss me and I know you won't call
Missin' you don't make any damn sense at all

But I can't help missin' you.

We're Left Waiting

In a dark black night
It’s cold, so I press against your chest
And bury my nose
Into a jacket soaked in gray city sweat

And we
Belong
In such a place much farther than here
But in
This street
Those grassy worlds can’t be near
And so
We wait
On time, on love, on distant dreams
And so
We’re left waiting

This college beer town
Stains our eyes in painted red lights
We’re holding hands
To fight the crowds of all lost fights

You break us through
The smell of cigarettes bites my face
We jaywalk the street
Each step a drunk-set cold-rushed pace

And we
Belong
In such a place much farther than here
But in
This street
Those grassy worlds can’t be near
And so
We wait
On time, on love, on distant dreams
And so
We’re left waiting

And the cabs won’t stop and the cars all rear
Back on us, honking in our ears
You wait on me, I clutch your hand
And now my dress is held in your wool again
I know there’s more, atleast you’re near
And we’re just left waiting here
And we’ll just wait here.

And we
Belong
In such a place much farther than here
But in
This street
Those grassy worlds can’t be near
And so
We wait
On time, on love, on distant dreams
And so
We’re left waiting

Still

It's been two years
And things ain't been the same
I cry your name
In the dark, to stars, late at night
And now it's cold
I guess the leaves still fall the same
But I still miss your face

When you'd laugh
I'd laugh too
I'd follow you
To any dark shadester stoner home
And in the smoke
We brought past to their knees
Now these memories
Can't help but bring me down

It's been two years
And things ain't been the same
I cry your name
In the dark, to stars, late at night
And now it's cold
I guess the leaves still fall the same
But I still miss your face

In that dorm bed
We were only friends
We never held our hands
To the bonds they expected from us
And still I ask
Could you have held in more?
But now these closing doors
Only show me glimpses of what could of been

It's been two years
And things ain't been the same
I cry your name
In the dark, to stars, late at night
And now it's cold
I guess the leaves still fall the same
But I still miss your face

Keep On Waiting [Rewrite #1]

You've got everything you've ever wanted, sitting in one beat-up old red Ford
You're too busy looking in that rear view, to realize you've got all you're lookin' for.
I'm watching all this gravel settle on me, on the front porch of what you call home
Waitin' on the man I once bragged about, to be here but to leave me all alone

You used to swear you were the lucky one, I could tell in the way your blue eyes shined
Now I feel I'm always looking behind me, waiting for that girl to cross your mind

She was a fast thing, a one time fling
Turned forever in your mind
I'm here now, but there's no tellin' how
Long I'm gonna keep waiting
She was a heartbreak, a big mistake
You can't stop talking about
I'm here now, but there's no tellin' how
Long I'm gonna keep on waiting
How long are you gonna leave me hanging?

You're sending me down old 29, singing songs that you used to sing to me
Now I feel like there's nothing on this road, but the remains of your broken memories
I know now, if I walked away you may chase me, you may swear to walk the line
But if this all you have ever wanted, why is it only on your drunken time?

I feel your past's shadow overhead now, falling on your yard--it's about to pour
The dogs are barkin', and you're just talkin', about someone who's not around anymore.

She was a fast thing, a one time fling
Turned forever in your mind
I'm here now, but there's no tellin' how
Long I'm gonna keep waiting
She was a heartbreak, a big mistake
You can't stop talking about
I'm here now, but there's no tellin' how
Long I'm gonna keep on waiting
How long are you gonna leave me hanging?

Bring Me to You.

Wrapped up in just a tee
Laughing at you laughing at me
Standing in the doorway to my bed
Pictures hangin' on the walls
But I'm hanging on your words
The smile's the hook, line and sink on a look
I guess these are broke down walls
And maybe the light held you just right
And maybe it's the falling words you said

I lied
On crumpled sheets, on empty lines,
In your heat
I found
Something I knew
And now I can't breathe in your moment with me
And now I'm loving what you do
You bring me to you

Perhaps when we look back
We'll appreaciate this past
Standing in the doorway to my bed
I couldn't stop that smile
I couldn't hold you in
Your hands were the line, I sang through the passing of time
I guess you were the song stuck in my head
And maybe we loved a little too loose
And maybe these lyrics can say it right.

I lied
On crumpled sheets, on empty lines,
In your heat
I found
Something I knew
And now I can't breathe in your moment with me
And now I'm loving what you do
You bring me to you