Kimberly Ann.

I'm lost in layered lip gloss
In mascara and ripped jeans
I can't find anything I meant to say
I can't find what anything means
He sweeps hair out of my eyes
He breaks tears with fingertips
I can only pretend I am stronger than my tears
I can only pretend what this is
I wish I knew who you are talking to
Where you are and who you're with
Your car's parked outside my neighborhood
It's not really yours, but I pretend it is
I wish you missed me
I wish I didn't have to say goodbye
It's not fair as he kisses me
It's not fair he'll never be mine
Why do you have to give me these blues?
Why can't I just dream in bed?
Why is this life so damn ruined?
What is he doing in my head?

Kiss me please
I just want to forget it all
Make me believe
This past doesn't matter at all


I try to forget his red car
The rain and the docks
I try to forget the piles of letters
Laying heavy in me like rocks
I try to forget your planes and the way
You'd always make me smile
It isn't fair I can only pretend
And feel okay for a little while
Why did he touch the gun?
Why'd he have to go blue?
Why can't my father smile for a while?
Why did you make me leave you?
I am so broken--so empty
I don't know how to cry
I feel like I am breaking this man
I feel like I was just left to die

Don't leave me
I don't want to be left alone
Make me believe
This past doesn't matter at all

You read this as a cry for help
Like the pages of a tabloid magazine
You take these lines like a drug overdose
In a bathroom with the walls shown green
Can't I just let this page take these things
These words and memories?
Turn them away, send them out of my heart
Quit replaying all these damned broken scenes

God find me
I don't want to be alone
Make me believe
This past doesn't matter at all

I just want to pretend he's still alive
I want to believe you're still mine
I want to think he didn't mean to hurt me
I just pretend he actually liked me
I thought his words were like candy
Poisoned, but I couldn't see
Shining, pretty, tasting so damn good
But God--he poisoned me

Make me believe
I'm something more than all of this
Make me believe
This past doesn't matter at all
This past doesn't matter at all
This past does matter after all